Monday, October 24, 2011

Separation Anxiety

No, not my kids...me.

And I never thought it would happen.  I've always been OK with separation.  That's not to say it wasn't hard at times, but I didn't fall apart like some moms I've known.  I've found it does get easier each time, and with each child.

Little T went to kindergarten this year.  He's so ready and excited to learn.  But, he's been having some trouble wanting to go each day "because I miss you too much."  He's a momma's boy.  And I secretly love that.

I found that when he climbed aboard the bus that first day, I was nervous and anxious, but ready.  See more on that here.  Sad, and happy.  A little boohoo and a little woohoo.

And I've been fine, even though each morning, I get the same line about how he misses me all day.  At this point, I realize it's just a stall tactic.  Or so I thought.

Today, I volunteered in his class.  It's always amazing to see your children in their classrooms, following instructions, working and chatting with other children.  It's then that it really hits you just HOW grown up they are.  When it was time to leave, he hugged me and asked if I could stay all day.  "No, honey, Ms. S doesn't need me here anymore" (probably because after I was there the room was a DISASTER, I think she was ready for me to just leave -- the experience of which confirms to me that I most definitely am NOT cut out to be a teacher).

"Can't you just stay for a little bit?"
"No, mommy has to go, but I'll see you after school, ok?  How about one day next week I come and have lunch with you?"
"OK" in a tiny voice, head hung in disappointment.

And suddenly, all that "readiness" and "strength" on my part dissolved into an enormous puddle of goo.  I left reluctantly and am now experiencing what I can only describe as separation anxiety.  It literally took all I had not to grab his hand and excuse him from school for the rest of the day so we could hang out.  I miss the little guy.  REALLY, really miss him all of a sudden.  Plus he fell on the bus and scraped up his eye and his head.  I can't even soothe his booboos.  Which, as any mom will tell you, is a killer.

4:00 can't come soon enough today.  Actually, 4:00 is eagerly awaited every day.  It seems that with my increased free time comes increased loneliness.  By 3:00 or so, I can FEEL how much I miss the kids and am ready for the bus.  Today, T needs some mommy time.  So that's what he's going to get.

Or is it the other way around?

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