Monday, January 12, 2015

15 for 2015

God is good.  I have no complaints about my life.  That doesn’t mean I don’t complain sometimes about little things, but I am fully aware that I have a wonderful life.  I just need to appreciate it more. For 2015, I'm offering up 15 things that I want from this year.  Most of these are goals for myself, there are a couple "wishes" and there are a few reminders.  It's like I tell my kids -- make a list.  A list of all the things ever.  Anything that's on your mind.  Your goals, your dreams, your groceries for the week.  You'll be glad you did.

The first thing I want?  To appreciate my life more.  Every little bit of it.

2.  Connect with the people I love.  Not electronically, although that makes it easier to connect with the people that I love that are far away.  I mean connect, face to face, hug to hug, laugh to laugh.  My husband, my children, my extended family, and my friends.  I’ve been mired down for years in the daily whatever of my life and I’ve especially sacrificed time with friends.  This is the year I will reconnect and enjoy who I am when I’m not being mom, wife, daughter, employee, short order cook, maid, chauffeur, tutor, etc.

3.  More quality time with my children.  I’ve never been a believer that I have to entertain my children all the time.  Does that mean I have sacrificed some potential bonding moments with them?   Possibly.  I’m sure there are parents who would say definitely.  But the goal here is to instill independence and self-reliance.  I know 10-year-olds that can’t tie their own shoes.  My husband and I have both experienced the parent of a potential job candidate reaching out to us on their child’s behalf.  I don’t want to do everything for my children, nor do I want to do everything with my children.  But when I do, I want to make it count.  I want to find that one-on-one connection I believe every child needs with their parents.  I want to better understand each of my individual children.  I want to make special memories for us both.  Even if it’s just running errands together and grabbing hot chocolate.

4.  Health.  This goes without saying.

5.  I want to be less critical.  I got together with my girlfriends the other day and I wasn’t very successful at this, but I want to be.

6.  A new kitchen floor.

7.  To be more decisive.  Little Meems makes me crazy with her indecisiveness, but she gets it from me.  The funny thing is, we’re both good about helping others make decisions, but are terrible at making decisions for ourselves.

8.  Speaking of Little Meems, be more gentle.  We are on the cusp of puberty and middle school and hormones and straddling that line between kid and teen and not knowing which foot should be where at any given time.  Many, many days are fraught with emotion (hers) and anger (mine).  I remember what it was like, how I just wanted someone to understand and not get upset because even though I was upset I wasn’t really upset but I didn’t know what to do or how to control the things coming from my mouth and oh crap now I’m crying and I don’t know why and just be patient with me because in a few minutes I’ll have it all together but first I’m going to need to stomp off screaming that you just don’t understand and slam my door and I need you to just let me.  Then I’m going to need you to act like nothing just happened so I can get over my humiliation.  Little Meems, for all her sweetness and light, has always been my biggest challenge.  Things have been bumpy for us at times.  I have not always been my best self.  I know for the road ahead I need to do better than she’s expecting me to.

9.   Growth spurts for 2 of my 3 children.  Big, giant ones that force me to buy all new clothing.  Being a late bloomer isn’t that much fun.

10.  For my husband to travel less.  I know it’s beyond his control, but I can wish for it anyway.  He’s missing too much.  In 2 years we will have a child who drives and in another 3, he will leave us for college (God willing).  It’s time to take it all in, every last little bit of it, as much as possible.  You can’t get it back.

11.  To blog more.  I don’t know what shape this will take.  My goal has always been to just get my memories down.  To share my stories, in all their imperfection.  I want, someday, for my children to read this blog and laugh and cry and shake their heads and remember and be reminded and know that I’m not perfect but my love for them is and has always been.  Would I like to share more?  Yes, but I’m not one to market myself.  I have dreams of turning this all into a book one day, but I haven’t really sat down and made a list of goals for me to this end.  Maybe I should start with that for 2015.

12.  I want my some of my children's goals to be realized.  And I want them to realize that it's up to them to make that happen.  Right now, it's simple:  I want for Will to make the lacrosse team he has his eye on, I want Little Meems to nail her back handspring, and I want Tate to play more than 7 seconds in a football game. You know, just little humongous things.

13.  To get through the winter.  I hate winter.

14.  To have all the laundry done, folded and put away AT THE SAME TIME as the house being clean in its entirety.  All the house things, all at once, done.  Just once.  Then I would pour myself a glass of wine and enjoy a magazine and silence and solitude, because everyone being gone is the only way it's going to happen, or last for more than 5 minutes.

15. See #1.  To love my life.  Every minute of it.  Can't stress that one enough.    

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