Monday, December 13, 2010

Sucker!

I hate vacuuming.  I love when it's done and how the house feels so clean, but I hate it during the actual event.  Why?  Aside from me hating virtually any kind of housework, it's because there's always...CRAP... on the floor.

Kid crap.  Pennies and beads and little balled up pieces of tissue and buttons and silly bands and socks and teeth (yes, there was once a tooth on the floor) and little alien figures they get from the gumball machines at the pizza joint.  Among other things.

AGH.  I get so tired of picking it up.  And inevitably it ends up in my pocket because there's not a trash can nearby.  And then it gets washed because I forget to take it out of my pocket.  And then I find it later, lurking in there.  Ick.

I've told the kids, PICK UP YOUR STUFF.  Over and over.  And over. Again.

Crickets.

I told them, IF IT'S ON THE FLOOR, IT'S GETTING SUCKED UP AND/OR THROWN AWAY.
HA- That'll get 'em.

Again, crickets.  Ah, who'm I fooling?  They've probably figured out that they don't have to clean it up that way.

So today I vacuumed while they were all gone.  And I enacted my new rule.  I sucked up silly bands, hair elastics and some play money.  Then I sucked up a shoelace (by accident -- it nearly broke the vacuum) and part of a candy cane that my daughter wanted to save.  Actually, I think I accidentally knocked that to the floor...but it shouldn't have been on the coffee table in the first place.  And she never even noticed it was gone.

How wrong is it that it didn't FEEL wrong??  It felt good.  So, so good.  That "hhhwwwup" sound, then the little rattle is makes as it enters the hose...beautiful music.  Total satisfaction.

OK so maybe I need to get out of the house more.  Or maybe it's just because of the week I've had -- I have aggression that needs an outlet.  I am a mama on the edge.  I think I teeter there most of the time anyway.

Judge me if you will.   But there are three less silly bands polluting my world.  Hair elastics cost like, $.02 a piece, so that's no big deal.  The play money -- well nobody ever plays with it.  And I don't even know where it comes from.  How do we even HAVE play money? 

They'll never notice it.  Clearly, they have too much stuff.  My rationale is that if it was on the floor, then it wasn't especially important to begin with.  And sometimes you have to learn the hard way.  That'll teach em!

Oh, I see a fake diamond and a couple tickets on the floor in the living room.  Gotta run!

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