Jingle Bells, Sung in Real Life

Jingle bells,
My sons smell
My daughter loves to play

“Moms” with her dolls
in my high-heeled clogs
and wigs like bales of hay – ay!

Jingle bells
Why DO boys smell?
When will it go away?

I wish I knew
But I am through
Cleaning pee off the pott-ay.

A day or two ago…
They thought they’d take some rides
Down an icy driveway bank
Landing under the four-wheel drive

Ha! Ha! Ha!

The weather isn’t mild
My kids are now just wild
And you know that means I
just might lose my mind (where’s the bourbon?).

Jingle bells
The boys still smell
Perhaps they don’t use soap?

My main complaint
Please, please aim!
I’m at the end of my rope - ope.

Jingle bells
Little Meems melt-
ed down at 11:03.

She lost another tooth
To her brother’s hoof
but is scared of the fair-y (go figure).

The presents were all wrapped
Waiting under the tree
And now I see exposed boxes
Peeking up at me.

The tree is slowly melting
The greenery is parched
The candles are all crooked
And the heat pump has not stopped (and we’re out of bourbon).


Jingle bells
What IS that smell?
Oh, I just boiled an egg

And forgot it was there
Til it shot through the air
And burned me on the leg!


Jingle bells 
The power bill tells
We owe 500 bucks.

Merry Christmas to me
Let’s burn the tree
It’ll heat this whole place up.

Happy Holidays!


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